Last night we had a dinner that would typically have remained untouched despite whining, crying, cajoling and pleading. Honestly, it was delicious: two new recipes - one for meatloaf and the other for roasted potatoes. Two-thirds of the kids finished their dinner while one waved off due to illness - but she tried it and that would NEVER have happened in the past.
“So how do you get your kids to eat?”
It has always been a question that comes up in conversation with other moms. Sometimes they were asking to find out what our kids eat in general, but more recently, it’s about how we get our kids to try new things (eating more vegetables and eating allergen-free foods).
When we set out on this allergen-free diet, we had two goals. The primary goal is to help our son to be healthy. We wanted to reduce his body’s inflammation with the hope of helping him to be more successful in overcoming what he calls being “shy,” while also teaching him how to cook safe and tasty foods for his allergies. Our secondary goal was to find a way to get the kids to eat cleaner and healthier in general - to break the bad habits we had helped them form.
As you know from an earlier post this year, we started by getting the kids on board. During a particularly chaotic moment with our son, I talked to the girls about the role that food may be playing in the behavior he was displaying. I told them that I thought that we should do something as a family to help him and what it would mean for us: that we would have to try new things, be open and not complain. Knowing our son, if the girls were leading the way, he’d follow along with no problem. I also knew that the girls (and Jeff and I) have some adverse reactions to the same foods that Levi is allergic to, so really this change was not just for Levi, but for the benefit of all of us.
I’ve noticed that over time (mostly since having Levi), I am definitely sensitive to wheat and soy. Consuming either one can make my stomach hurt and bloat. I have always struggled with headaches. I never was quite sure what caused them, but I’m finding that they are generally caused by pollens and are enhanced when I’m eating things that I’m sensitive to. My reaction can be as bad as a very painful headache, but it also can show up as morning grogginess. We want Levi on his A-game when he goes to school each day, so knowing that he may be waking up feeling a more intense version of what I experience with my sensitivities, it only makes sense that we would try to help him avoid having to feel that way.
So, as a family, we committed to eating differently. We cut out as much processed food as possible, increased our normal daily vegetable consumption and decreased the amount of processed sugar we are eating (by a lot).
So here’s how we made the shift:
- New rules.
We started a star chart for every kid. In the evening, they could earn a star if they: didn’t complain about dinner, tried everything that was offered and two stars if they ate everything. These stars accumulated to time on the iPad that evening. (This ended up going away, but was a great way to kickstart our change. It gave us a way to pump up eating differently and reinforce the behavior we wanted. Now, they are motivated by the treat at the end of the meal - usually treats are only offered after dinner.)
- Treats.
Every weekend, I make two treats to last us through the week. It could be a pan of brownies and a cake. Or it could be cupcakes and a bundt cake. It could be donuts and muffins. This week it’s banana bread and a berry “buttermilk” cake. Those treats can only be consumed after each child has eaten all of their dinner. We keep the portions fairly small so that they can have seconds of any meal if they want. And we cut off eating at a certain time otherwise they love to work the system and eat all night long. In all of the dinners we’ve had since the beginning of the year (that’s about eight weeks) there have been five times that I can recall that someone flat out refused to eat dinner. They didn’t like it for some reason and decided that the treat wasn’t worth it so they moved on with life. On the majority of nights, though, our kids are trying things they have never eaten before and they are open to actually eating all of the food they have in front of them. This was a HUGE change for us from before.
3. Cut out (or change) snacks
One of the bloggers I follow suggests that in order to change picky eaters, you have to cut out snacks. The idea is that without snacks, the kids are hungry for the next meal and will be more willing to try something new. She said she gets a lot of questioning about that. It was a strategy I was considering depending on how difficult this transition became. Truth be told, I can only tolerate their whining for so long. And it’s winter and rainy here, so there’s no fun outside activity to distract them from their bored snacking. I decided that I’d do my best to avoid snacking and push the veggies first before allowing the fun snacks. That way, if they want a snack, it’s fine, but I get to choose what it is. If they don’t want it, then they can’t say it wasn’t offered and they must not be hungry after all!
4. The “good” snacks are different
Over the years, we have slowly given in to worse and worse snacks for our kids. The snacks contained more and more sugar and were more and more processed. Some of this was just out of ease for us, and some of it was giving in to whatever parenting guilt we had. With our new diet, we had the chance to not only re-evaluate the snacks, but eliminate them based on allergy or general un-wholesomeness. The snacks they get that are the “good” snacks are things like air-popped popcorn, popcorn chips, rice cakes, sweet potato chips, and gluten-free pretzels. But even with these snacks being somewhat healthier, they are also eating far less of them than before. Because they have to pay the price of eating vegetables first, they will sometimes pass on eating the “good” snack indicating that they weren’t as hungry as they initially thought and maybe were just eating out of boredom.
I always cut up our vegetables right after our trip to Costco. I keep them in a bin in the fridge so that they can easily be pulled out for snacking. I try to have a variety of vegetables available, so they can choose the vegetable they want to eat and it’s not always the same vegetable that they always fall back on. This keeps me from giving in and giving them an easy but unhealthy snack - it makes vegetables just as easy.
5. Don’t give in
It’s really easy when things are busy, or you’re tired or the kids don’t like what’s being served to fall back on old habits. One of the most important parts of all of this is that I don’t give in to them and what they want, I hang on to what I know is right for us right now. Mom-guilt often has me giving in to too many sweets or snacks or switching out dinner for something they like more. However, I am the boss here and it’s my job to make sure they’re fueling their bodies properly, so I don’t give in. There are no substitutions. You don’t like dinner, that’s ok. You have enough body fat to live through the night. You don’t like that choice of vegetable, that’s ok, you can skip treat tonight. In all of the meals we have had since January 7, there have only been a few times when a kid decided it wasn’t worth it to eat the dinner - and it was always something that seemed totally fine. For example, the kids would eat kale pesto, no problem, but one night Ana would not eat a roasted tomato (which was delicious, by the way!). So weird. But when that happens, we don’t give in and offer something different and we don’t stop making that particular meal. If they don’t like it, we try again a few weeks later - and sometimes they end up liking it later on! But really, not giving in is more about teaching them that they can’t wear us down over time. If they learn that they can whine their way out of eating something once, they’ll try it again and again and I just can’t take the whining.
When reading about eating back when the kids were toddlers and were super picky, I remember reading that you should serve kids the same things you eat and re-offer disliked foods again and again. Most of the time, that was too much for me. I couldn’t deal with the arguing, I felt bad because I eat a lot of vegetables and I didn’t want them to have to do that (what weird thinking!). But my mind really shifted this time. For the limitations that Levi has in his diet, he really does need some eating flexibility if he’s going to live a life of good food. Even without allergies, the same thing is true for the girls: they need a broader base of foods they’re willing to eat, or at least be open to trying new foods. And now, there is no arguing. Either do it or don’t. And I don’t let their whining or my guilt get the better of me. Eat or don’t eat, that’s their problem, not mine.
One night, Ana was particularly disgusted by dinner. I think it was a soup (and it was a good one!). She didn’t want it for whatever reason and I didn’t budge that she could not replace soup with leftover pasta. She cried and cried and sulked and came back and cried. Ultimately, she was hungry, she said. When she came back to the table for the final time, she basically pleaded that she should be able to eat the cut up vegetables in the fridge (that are reserved for snacking) for dinner instead and that she knew she would not be able to have a treat. I was willing to give in to that, I mean NEVER in her life had she requested so vehemently that she at least be able to eat raw vegetables so that she would not be hungry. Never. It was a testament to how different our life is now and I still can’t believe it.
