Here we are, almost a month into the new year.
Normally, a new year signifies no major change for me. I’m not a resolution maker;
if I want to resolve to do something, I do it right then. And then I go for it. This year
was a little different for our family.
if I want to resolve to do something, I do it right then. And then I go for it. This year
was a little different for our family.
The holidays (starting with Thanksgiving) brought us back to some really
challenging skin issues for one of our littles. A resurgence of a virus
that had us in the hospital early last year and then out of control behavior
and anxiety plus a bad eczema breakout that resulted in starting
antibiotics (again). All of these issues were keeping me (and as a result
also my family) on edge. It was like a dark river was running just
beneath the surface of whatever joy and fun we were experiencing in life.
challenging skin issues for one of our littles. A resurgence of a virus
that had us in the hospital early last year and then out of control behavior
and anxiety plus a bad eczema breakout that resulted in starting
antibiotics (again). All of these issues were keeping me (and as a result
also my family) on edge. It was like a dark river was running just
beneath the surface of whatever joy and fun we were experiencing in life.
We have always been a little lax on our food allergies here. There is
a LONG list of things that we react to and it’s difficult to eat around
those things: especially when I’m a timid and inexperienced cook.
a LONG list of things that we react to and it’s difficult to eat around
those things: especially when I’m a timid and inexperienced cook.
After seeing how our son’s skin reacted to a bad combination of the
weather and the food we were indulging in over the holidays, I
decided it was time to make a change. We had also read about how
food can impact anxiety and I know how my own food choices
(even though I have no diagnosed food allergies) can greatly
impact my attitude, my feelings and my outward behavior. And if
that’s happening for me, what on earth am I putting my kids through!?!
weather and the food we were indulging in over the holidays, I
decided it was time to make a change. We had also read about how
food can impact anxiety and I know how my own food choices
(even though I have no diagnosed food allergies) can greatly
impact my attitude, my feelings and my outward behavior. And if
that’s happening for me, what on earth am I putting my kids through!?!
Big Changes
So, I started researching. Of course. I didn’t realize that there
were actually cookbooks out there for people like us with many
food allergies. One in particular- Pure Delicious by Heather Christo -
is amazing, in fact, it’s one of the best cookbooks I’ve ever used.
Not only are the recipes simple and easy to make, but almost every
recipe has a picture, so you can check if what you made looks
right. And the pictures are BEAUTIFUL. It was a reminder that
food that is allergy friendly can actually be easy to make, include
mostly real and clean ingredients and can be delicious enough
to share.
were actually cookbooks out there for people like us with many
food allergies. One in particular- Pure Delicious by Heather Christo -
is amazing, in fact, it’s one of the best cookbooks I’ve ever used.
Not only are the recipes simple and easy to make, but almost every
recipe has a picture, so you can check if what you made looks
right. And the pictures are BEAUTIFUL. It was a reminder that
food that is allergy friendly can actually be easy to make, include
mostly real and clean ingredients and can be delicious enough
to share.
As a family, we decided to eat for our son’s allergies. This
was HUGE for us. We generally avoided his allergens, and
would occasionally eat them but not allow him to have that part
of the meal. This time, we were going all in.
was HUGE for us. We generally avoided his allergens, and
would occasionally eat them but not allow him to have that part
of the meal. This time, we were going all in.
I know that as the dictator of this house, I expect that I can
tell our family what we’re doing and that they’ll do it. With food,
I am the least effective dictator ever. We were already in a
pattern of very limited food because of my poor cooking skills
and our kids’ picky eating. This new way of eating would get
at three things then: 1) teach me to be more skilled in the kitchen
2) avoid the allergens we are aware of 3) teach all of us
flexibility in eating and trying new things (and get a lot more
veggies in our diets).
tell our family what we’re doing and that they’ll do it. With food,
I am the least effective dictator ever. We were already in a
pattern of very limited food because of my poor cooking skills
and our kids’ picky eating. This new way of eating would get
at three things then: 1) teach me to be more skilled in the kitchen
2) avoid the allergens we are aware of 3) teach all of us
flexibility in eating and trying new things (and get a lot more
veggies in our diets).
Getting the kids on board
One night, during a major meltdown by one of our kids, I
asked the other two what they thought about that fit, since
that situation happens all the time. They said that they were
ok with it as long as the kid was safe. I pressed on to ask if
they thought that we, as a family, or the child, as the
fit-thrower, was happy to be in that situation. They agreed that,
no, it was not good for any of us.
asked the other two what they thought about that fit, since
that situation happens all the time. They said that they were
ok with it as long as the kid was safe. I pressed on to ask if
they thought that we, as a family, or the child, as the
fit-thrower, was happy to be in that situation. They agreed that,
no, it was not good for any of us.
I told them about my idea. I told them that I’d reward those
who tried new things and finished their food, but that overall,
we are doing this to support our family member and to be
healthier ourselves.
who tried new things and finished their food, but that overall,
we are doing this to support our family member and to be
healthier ourselves.
 |
| Clean plate club! |
They were open to it!
When Jeff came back into the room with our little fit-thrower,
one of our kids announced to him that we were going
to change our diet.
one of our kids announced to him that we were going
to change our diet.
We decided to take it slow. First, we made an easy switch
and traded our whole wheat pasta for gluten-free pasta.
We also traded out our oat milk and Cheerios for rice milk
and Rice Krispies due to the oat allergy that we had
been ignoring. Both of those switches seemed to make a
big impact. This change was simple, but gave me the
time I needed to do some meal planning around the meals
for the following week.
and traded our whole wheat pasta for gluten-free pasta.
We also traded out our oat milk and Cheerios for rice milk
and Rice Krispies due to the oat allergy that we had
been ignoring. Both of those switches seemed to make a
big impact. This change was simple, but gave me the
time I needed to do some meal planning around the meals
for the following week.
And then things got worse...
During this time of transition, there was a bit of a detox happening
for some of us. It created some crankiness, fogginess and a few
tantrums...like every day. We also had antibiotics prescribed for
one child. Antibiotics that were necessary, but were also disgusting
and required a large dose. EVERY administration of that giant dose
was a power struggle that involved delay tactics, crying whining,
pleading, etc. It was a hard, hard week.
for some of us. It created some crankiness, fogginess and a few
tantrums...like every day. We also had antibiotics prescribed for
one child. Antibiotics that were necessary, but were also disgusting
and required a large dose. EVERY administration of that giant dose
was a power struggle that involved delay tactics, crying whining,
pleading, etc. It was a hard, hard week.
The anxiety that we were trying to help treat seemed to worsen. And
the tantrums were spinning out of control.
the tantrums were spinning out of control.
I do not cry easily, but I cried twice that week. In front of other people.
Getting the help we needed
In panic mode by that first Friday, I was emailing the pediatrician,
psychiatrist, behavior specialist, friends, and anyone who might be
able to help me.
psychiatrist, behavior specialist, friends, and anyone who might be
able to help me.
Luckily, we were able to get some emergency help from a friend
and our behavior specialist. By Saturday evening, we had a plan.
It involved priming our kids with what needed to happen and
then reinforcing the behaviors we wanted to see through a
variety of reinforcers valuable to each kid.
and our behavior specialist. By Saturday evening, we had a plan.
It involved priming our kids with what needed to happen and
then reinforcing the behaviors we wanted to see through a
variety of reinforcers valuable to each kid.
And then, just like magic, the following week was a dream. For
the first time ever, I was early getting to work every single day. There
was only crying on one day and even then, I was still early and the
crying was not nearly as bad as it had been on any day before that. On
the one day of crying, we followed through with not giving the valuable
reinforcer and the child learned their lesson. The next day, things were
a dream again!!!!
the first time ever, I was early getting to work every single day. There
was only crying on one day and even then, I was still early and the
crying was not nearly as bad as it had been on any day before that. On
the one day of crying, we followed through with not giving the valuable
reinforcer and the child learned their lesson. The next day, things were
a dream again!!!!
Through that tough week, I could not imagine that easy mornings or
evenings were possible, until suddenly, they were.
evenings were possible, until suddenly, they were.
For the first time EVER in our family:
- We had happy and helpful kids in the morning. Each one doing
their part to help get us ready for the day. - We were all out the door on time to their destinations.
- There was no complaining about dinner (even if it was new)
and all eating ALL of their dinner 95% of the time without any drama! - We had kids eating more vegetables and a variety of vegetables
- probably more than they had ever had in one week. They ate
an entire package of Costco bell peppers AND cucumbers!!! - There was hardly any yelling!!!!
- Jeff and I were in bed by 9pm (and sometimes earlier) - meaning
the kids were in bed before then! - Every night, I started in my own bed (instead of one of the kids’ beds)
and I stayed in my own bed all night!
Suddenly, all of these things just clicked right in. The impossible
became possible in a super short period of time. My life went from
feeling like a nightmare to becoming one of the best weeks OF OUR
LIVES. I cannot believe the happiness and lightness I feel now that
we have a way to manage the anxiety behaviors that were taking over our home
like a dark monster. For once, I feel that I have the time and space to
breathe and be kind and be present to listen to my family and enjoy each
others’ company.
became possible in a super short period of time. My life went from
feeling like a nightmare to becoming one of the best weeks OF OUR
LIVES. I cannot believe the happiness and lightness I feel now that
we have a way to manage the anxiety behaviors that were taking over our home
like a dark monster. For once, I feel that I have the time and space to
breathe and be kind and be present to listen to my family and enjoy each
others’ company.
The thing that I find so crazy is that we were suffering for a long time
and not even realizing it. Here, I thought we were just doing what
families do and getting by as best we could. What I didn’t realize was
that we needed help and that it was out there. We hit a point of total
breakdown only to find that it was actually a turning point to becoming
the best that we have ever been: individually an as a family.
and not even realizing it. Here, I thought we were just doing what
families do and getting by as best we could. What I didn’t realize was
that we needed help and that it was out there. We hit a point of total
breakdown only to find that it was actually a turning point to becoming
the best that we have ever been: individually an as a family.
Whatever it is that you are silently suffering through, there may not
be a need for that suffering. Reach out and see what resources are
available to you - it could make for the best worst time of your life.
be a need for that suffering. Reach out and see what resources are
available to you - it could make for the best worst time of your life.
