If you're looking for some deep throughs about my wishes for the world or my family, this isn't the post for you. I just know what I want and I like to ask for it and you might be curious about what that is and so here it goes...
Every year on Mother’s Day, I refine what my hopes and dreams are for the day. My husband loves to give the perfect gift, so I try to accommodate that by letting Jeff know ahead of time what I want. For some of you, that may sound selfish or demanding or un-spontaneous, but I’d rather ask for what I want than hope for it, not get it and then unconsciously punish Jeff for it. Here’s what i’ve learned over the years about what I want:
- I need time to be around my family without having to respond to every request. I want to sit and watch the kids play or watch a show with them without having to stop and get water or get a snack or wipe a bottom. Sometimes Jeff does that single-handedly and sometimes we are with a group of people who help distract the kids so that they don’t think they’re constantly hungry or thirsty or bored.
- Gifts. I don’t need gifts. But I do love the things the kids make. I love that way more than anything that they could buy for me (to be honest, the things they want to buy are more their style than mine). What I DO love is gifts of service on this day: going to Costco without me, getting my car washed for me, making meals (preferably all day) for me/us.
- Speaking of food… I LOVE baked goods. My deepest desire on any celebration day is to have cake, or pancakes, or muffins, or scones. I sent Jeff a recipe this year for these delightful looking banana maple donuts (minus the walnuts, of course) and these white chocolate scones. And since I don’t like being in charge of food on Mother’s Day, Jeff is making dinner. Mostly, I’m leaving dinner up to him. I don’t actually care what it is as long as I don’t have to decide or cook it. I did give some pointers on food we have that he could use or cook, but that’s it!
- I want time alone in my house. I spend SO much time catering to other people’s desires at work at home, with family and with friends that I want time to decide on something that I want, not something that I think someone else might want too. Being alone at home is a moment of exhale for this introvert and while I love my family and I know there will be many moments of silence when our nest is empty, I do really crave moments of silence in the chaos right now. And then I want to welcome back the chaos a more replenished person.
Mother’s Day used to be a day of drinking for me. At that time, it served a purpose. It really got me out of the responsibility of doing lots of things for my kids and gave me the time to sit and relax. However, it also really took away my awareness at the beauty of the day and left me feeling horrible that night and the next day. It no longer serves me and so it’s no longer part of my celebration. I totally get that it works for others and that is wonderful, but I realized that my real goal in drinking was to get out of some of the responsibilities that I do from day to day, so now I just ask for those things to be done for me.
I’m lucky to have a husband who really cares about making the weekend a joy to me. He is attentive and curious about what I want. I’m also lucky that the kids are aware of Mother’s Day and they seem to truly want to make it special for me - including secrecy and “special projects.”
