I Can't Cook.

Disclaimer: I do not think I know much about cooking nor am I an expert at efficiency or organizing.  I just bumble along trying to make sense of things.  A handful of people have asked about my process and, quite frankly, I wish I knew to do this four years ago.  I hope this is helpful to someone out there.

I can’t cook.  

Well, maybe it’s more accurate to say that I’m not a good cook or that I am not an efficient cook.  

This was never a problem before.  When I was single or newly married, we could eat whatever, whenever and it didn’t matter that dinner took 30 mins of active prep time PLUS cooking time.  Back then, things were easy breezy.

Now, my life - especially upon arriving home - is much more like a group of sharks circling a caged scuba diver just after the chum has been dropped in the water.  I, of course, am that caged scuba diver.

When I get home, two of the three kids want to be held and there is a lot of unpacking and repacking that needs to be done to prepare for the next day.  Often, the kids are ready to eat by 5:30p.  If I try to push them to 6p, at least one kid throws several tantrums and sometimes multiple kids throw tantrums.  Like me, they get hangry.

What I realized at some point was that I really have no time for active prep of a meal when I get home.  I need to be able to come home and have dinner basically already ready.  

A few years ago, a good friend, Jenni, taught me how to make food in advance and freeze it in small portions to feed Ana’s small tummy.  For awhile, that really worked.  And then it didn’t.  I still struggled to get food on the table for the entire family.  Jeff and I ate a lot of grilled cheese at that point.

But then, I had a light bulb moment.  I could use the same techniques and strategies to help me be more efficient.  This led me to the next iteration in the food preparation continuum - preparing certain things in advance and freezing them.  For me, this was rice, pasta, chopped onions, garlic, sauces, and chopped veggies for soups.  But even then, I was limited.

Enter the crockpot.  (Imagine the clouds parting and the angels singing.)

My sister told me about “the crock pot lady” - her real name is Stephanie O’Dea (here’s her blog, which has tons of free recipes).  In her blog, she cooked something (gluten-free) in her crock pot every day for one year!  She also suggested that ANY of her meals could be made into a freezer meal (a meal that you freeze, then dump in the crockpot when you are ready to cook) just by taking the ingredients and putting them into a freezer bag instead of the crockpot.*  

I started researching other pins where people made “freezer meals” in bulk.  In one fell swoop, a person would make 10, 20 or 30 meals in one multiple-hour prepping.

This was a challenge.  And a practical one at that.  

So, I started making my freezer meals.  Here’s what I did:

1. I picked recipes that looked easy, had similar ingredients and included many ingredients I already had.
2. I made a list of the ingredients needed to double or triple those recipes (here’s a list for one of my shopping trips).
3. I went shopping (duh).
4. I chopped and sliced per the instructions for each recipe.
5. I labeled my freezer bags with the title of the recipe, the date and the cooking time required.
6. I sorted my ingredients so that each bag represented one dinner (most of the recipes she uses are for a family of four).
7. Then I laid each bag flat in the freezer (we got a big chest freezer when we had Lucia - it started as a  milk freezer then became a food freezer).
8. When I want to use the dinner, I grab the bag, dump it in the crockpot and turn it on.  When I get home, I make veggies, rice (or whatever starch goes with the meal) and that’s it!

My life has been changed by this  sequence.  So far, I’ve been doing this for approximately nine months and have gone through the cycle above three times. When I come home, I can focus on the little details to make my life easier rather than jumping right into dinner prep.  As a family, we have saved money, learned how to eat around Levi’s food allergies and eaten healthier.  

* Of course, there are some exceptions.  If the recipe calls for something to be added later in the cooking time of the recipe, you don’t put it in the freezer bag.

Write Out of Chaos

As you know, I am very excited about writing in this forum.  

That moment when I first posted and saw the title of my blog at the top of the page and my first post published, I couldn’t help but smile!

In the days leading up to my first published post, I had J and our friend A2 brainstorming names for the blog.  They were trying to decide fit best given who I am.  My husband came up with the idea “Write Out of Chaos.”  

I have always loved writing.  I think I first started journaling when I was seven years old.  I have pretty much always journaled since then.  One thing I realized over the years was that I process by writing.  Verbally, I struggle a lot (and that has only gotten worse as I’ve had children).  I know that I am very purposeful with pretty much everything I do, but if someone were to ask me to explain, I struggle.  I don’t remember the facts or research that supports my decision or I don’t remember where I heard the information that informed my choice.  I end up sounding totally ridiculous.

The other thing that happens for me is that my mind gets cluttered easily.  If I’m having conflict with someone else or if I have ideas or if I have a lot to think about, I struggle to focus on the very basic things (I think this is pretty common).  When I’m in this space, it feels like my mind is a room.  And this is my mind, so it’s a very small room.  In this room, there are many birds flying around.  It’s chaotic and lively and very confusing.

When I write, it’s as if each of these little thought-birds relax and find a place to rest in the room so that the room becomes very still.  NOW I can function.  Writing helps me to calm down whatever is going on in my mind so I can focus on what’s important - the present moment.

My life is not all that different from that small room.  I’m in the corner of the room trying to write in my journal and there are a bunch of little thought-birds flying around.  Here are some of those thought-birds:

1. What do I do first?
2. If I change Lucia’s diaper, should I change her clothes too?
3. What will she wear?
4. Where are we going?
5. Will she be warm/cool enough?
6. Did Jeff change Levi?
7. Why is Levi wearing a short-sleeved shirt?
8. Did someone put some ointment on his eczema?
9. What will the kids eat for breakfast?
10. Where is Ana?
11. Will Levi have an allergic reaction to yogurt?
12. Did he like eating the waffles last time?
13. Has he had milk yet?
14. Did Lucia have milk?
15. Did Jeff offer her food?

And that’s just the first five minutes on a weekend!

So, I often find myself batting away at these thought-birds or in-front-of-my-face tasks just to get the time to write.  There doesn’t seem to be anything that calms these birds except waiting them out (or waiting until my kids go to bed) or by stealing moments when they’re outside or playing quietly.

So that’s where J came up with the blog’s name.  For me, writing is part of how I escape the chaos.  And I’m also writing while I’m in it. 

Taking it to a New Level of Nerdiness

So, once I committed to my challenge, my mind went into overdrive.  I knew this challenge was the right thing to do because I kept thinking about it and kept cornering J to talk about it.  (He listened courteously and then went about his life.)

    This writing idea is so exciting to me and here are a few of the reasons why:

1. I teach English.  Every day, I am asking kids to challenge themselves by trying something new that requires actual effort.  I am not always in that same position.  Blogging will force me to get out of my comfort zone, actually study experts to identify strategies I enjoy as a reader, and really push myself to not only take the risk of “publishing” but also to be an independent learner.  

2. It forces me to be introspective - and to journal.  So much of my life in the past four years has been lived in a haze.  I am sleep deprived and so focused on the practical aspects of my life that much of the thinking I used to do has been drowned out in the noise of daily living.  Also, because blogging is public, it forces me to save my more personal writing for my journal (which has been collecting dust).  It’s as if the writing begets writing.  Writing in a more public forum reminds me that there are things I do want to write about for myself - privately.

3. It gives me real purpose for reading the bloggers I like.  I am inspired by a small handful of bloggers who write lifestyle blogs about simple living, seeing the positives in life and motherhood/parenting.  Lately, their blogs have been piling up in my inbox because of the realities of life.  Now, though, I have two purposes for reading their blog: 1) to enjoy their content and not feel guilty 2) to see how they do it!  I get to hear what they’re writing about and I get to immerse myself in their style, tone and perspective.  I can study how they make their point and how they can make their one perspective so accessible and thought-provoking.  

4. I have not challenged myself to really grow mentally.  Part of our family mission is to encourage each other to grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally.  I have tried doing that by joining Junior League and taking up various hobbies.  Those things have now become very comfortable parts of my life.    This writing challenge really challenges me, though.  Publishing adds an extra bit of accountability and scariness since my work will be “out there” for people to see.  Because I care so much about what others think, publishing is a real risk and requires that I grow emotionally or psychologically (?) so I can deal with whatever insecurity I feel when I publish. 
   
   

5. I know from my own experience, research and teaching that the more you practice something, the better you get.  Although my posts may be pretty terrible, my hope is to improve as I find my voice and perspective.  I am going to learn by doing - and by continuing to immerse myself in work by “experts.”  And I like getting better at something.  Hopefully my attempts will help me to get better at writing!

So there it is. In every spare moment alone in the car or walking from my classroom to the office, that’s what I’ve been thinking about.  I cram these thoughts into the little tiny spaces I have to think.  And it’s been fun!

Writing Challenge 2015

I keep trying to sit down and write this and there are just so many distractions - my kids (1, 2 and 3), the book I’m reading, the chores, etc.  Given the number of times I’ve tried to write this and become distracted by life, I might think that I wasn’t “meant” to write it at all.  That may be the case.  But I’ll only know after I’m done writing!

After an end-of-year retreat with one of my best friends, I decided to challenge myself.  Although I’m not one for resolutions, I am one for challenges.  As someone who has always dreamed of being  a “writer,” I am choosing to blog once a month for this year.

There you go.  Now it’s out there and now the challenge is real.

I don’t know yet what my perspective is and I can see myself studying my favorite bloggers for hints about style and message, but one thing I know is that I learn by doing.  So I’m just going to try! (Or as one of my favorite characters says, “To close my eyes, and leap!”)

I have always thought of myself as an open book.  In my interactions with others, I am as honest and as open as possible.  This challenge has really required that I ask myself, “Am I really as open as I think I am?”

I hope I know the answer.  One year from now, I will know for sure.