Write Out of Chaos

As you know, I am very excited about writing in this forum.  

That moment when I first posted and saw the title of my blog at the top of the page and my first post published, I couldn’t help but smile!

In the days leading up to my first published post, I had J and our friend A2 brainstorming names for the blog.  They were trying to decide fit best given who I am.  My husband came up with the idea “Write Out of Chaos.”  

I have always loved writing.  I think I first started journaling when I was seven years old.  I have pretty much always journaled since then.  One thing I realized over the years was that I process by writing.  Verbally, I struggle a lot (and that has only gotten worse as I’ve had children).  I know that I am very purposeful with pretty much everything I do, but if someone were to ask me to explain, I struggle.  I don’t remember the facts or research that supports my decision or I don’t remember where I heard the information that informed my choice.  I end up sounding totally ridiculous.

The other thing that happens for me is that my mind gets cluttered easily.  If I’m having conflict with someone else or if I have ideas or if I have a lot to think about, I struggle to focus on the very basic things (I think this is pretty common).  When I’m in this space, it feels like my mind is a room.  And this is my mind, so it’s a very small room.  In this room, there are many birds flying around.  It’s chaotic and lively and very confusing.

When I write, it’s as if each of these little thought-birds relax and find a place to rest in the room so that the room becomes very still.  NOW I can function.  Writing helps me to calm down whatever is going on in my mind so I can focus on what’s important - the present moment.

My life is not all that different from that small room.  I’m in the corner of the room trying to write in my journal and there are a bunch of little thought-birds flying around.  Here are some of those thought-birds:

1. What do I do first?
2. If I change Lucia’s diaper, should I change her clothes too?
3. What will she wear?
4. Where are we going?
5. Will she be warm/cool enough?
6. Did Jeff change Levi?
7. Why is Levi wearing a short-sleeved shirt?
8. Did someone put some ointment on his eczema?
9. What will the kids eat for breakfast?
10. Where is Ana?
11. Will Levi have an allergic reaction to yogurt?
12. Did he like eating the waffles last time?
13. Has he had milk yet?
14. Did Lucia have milk?
15. Did Jeff offer her food?

And that’s just the first five minutes on a weekend!

So, I often find myself batting away at these thought-birds or in-front-of-my-face tasks just to get the time to write.  There doesn’t seem to be anything that calms these birds except waiting them out (or waiting until my kids go to bed) or by stealing moments when they’re outside or playing quietly.

So that’s where J came up with the blog’s name.  For me, writing is part of how I escape the chaos.  And I’m also writing while I’m in it.