You Are One Brave Mother

We have no women superhero action figures - yet!

Yesterday, I picked up my kids at daycare.  The first thing that Sweet A said once we were on the road was, “I want to be a mom when I grow up.”

    I said, “That’s great!  You would make a great mom.  What makes you think you want to be a mom?”

    She said, “Moms are not scared of anything.  I just don’t want to be scared of anything.”

    I was shocked into silence.

    Mom’s are not scared of anything?  Huh.  As far as I can tell, I’ve never been more scared in my life!  

    First, it’s pretty amazing that she has this perception that moms are not scared.  It seemed to kind of make sense.  At night, we’re not scared of the dark or of sleeping or of our dreams.  When something scary is on T.V. we unflinchingly change the channel or soothe their concerns.  For all of the things that scare her, it’s true, a mother is not generally afraid.

    But what she doesn’t recognize are all the things that do scare mothers.  They’re things that are so far out of her scope of understanding at this point, but they sure are scary.

    For starters, there’s the whole job of being a mother.  Each time I was pregnant and each time I come up against a difficult parenting situation, I wonder, “Who said I was qualified to do this? Why am I being entrusted with something so precious?”  I am the person that will cause my children to need therapy.  Every choice that I make about our family and what we should do and not do is shaping who each of these little people are.  If I think about it too much, the idea is crushing.  How am I supposed to do this without instructions specific to each of my kids?

    Then there’s the whole “unexpected circumstances” part of it all.  Our biggest one is Big L’s allergies.  When we first realized how much food he’s allergic to, I feared for the future.  I was afraid of him going to school, going to birthday parties, even going to Grandma’s house!  I wanted to follow him around with his Epi-pen at the ready just in case he encountered something that could threaten his life.  How was I going to teach him to stay away from peanut butter cups, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the plethora of foods that contain bits of nuts?

    On top of that is the constant fear that something terrible will threaten the life of one of our babes.  One of my most vivid memories of Sweet A’s first day of daycare was watching J and Sweet A drive off and thinking, “That’s it.  There goes my life.  If anything were to happen to that little car…”  

    I have all of these concerns, but I think I’m generally pretty normal.  Having kids makes life downright scary for so many reasons.

    It’s in those moments of fear that I realize, this is scary, but I have people to coach me through it - just like I might do for Sweet A.  I have Jeff, family, friends, and God.  I have to trust that we will figure it out together.  That’s what life is!  It’s not going to be predictable or dull, but I can’t let myself get weighed down by the burden of my fear nor should I expect that I will lose my fear on my own.  I have to recognize that I will never be a perfect mother or parent and that’s ok.  We will deal with the psychological ramifications of my parenting as they arise. I have to do the best I can to inform Levi of his allergies and trust that he and his caregivers make choices that help him thrive.  I have to trust that although my heart leaves my chest in that little car each morning, they will all be fine.  None of these are guarantees.  They are hopes.  And that is the best part of what life is… knowing that in spite of the fear and worry, there is a reason to hope and that when things get scary, we can deal with it together.  

    One day I’ll remind Sweet A what she said about being a mom.  Maybe when she’s on the verge of her own motherhood, or maybe it will be when her illusions of mothers' bravery is laughable (like when she's a pre-teen).  One thing is for certain, though, mothering isn’t for wimps.  And actually, now that I think about it, life isn’t for wimps.  Mother or not, living is brave.  So go on - be brave!  You never know who you are inspiring!