*** Disclaimer: I do not believe I suffer from mental illness. I have not been diagnosed with depression. I do not claim to represent someone in either category. Please seek professional help if you think you may be suffering from depression or mental illness.****
The Great Sadness descends upon me once or twice a year. It usually happens when I feel that I have disappointed someone I admire or love. It causes a downward spiral in my attitude and outlook and generally it sets the stage for me to only see the things I do wrong.
It’s as though the Great Sadness offers me a pair of glasses through which I can view my world. Rather than them being rose-colored, they are ash-colored and allow me to only see only the negative that I do in my life. These glasses not only show me what I’m doing wrong in the present, but it also sets up a movie screen in my brain that replays my whole life’s worth of negative thoughts about myself: poor decisions, bad situations, and general self-hate.
Some might say, “How can you feel worthless? You bring worth to your kids!” but I’m talking about bringing worth to peers and feeling valued by others for who you are , not for keeping your children alive on a daily basis.
A friend recently felt the Great Sadness. As is normally the case with Great Sadnesses, there was nothing I could do or say to help. But it did remind me that there are some tenets that I live by when it comes to dealing with the Great Sadness.
- It will eventually go away.
Unless you are suffering from depression, the Sadness should eventually go away. When I'm in the Sadness, it feels that there is no escape. It seems that it will go on forever, and I wonder how I could possibly go back to a life where I experience joy or happiness. But after a few days, the Sadness lifts and I go back to my life - albeit it’s with a bit of a sadness hangover, but even that eventually goes away.
- It’s often intensified by hormones.
As a young person, I never acknowledged the strength of my own body. In recent years, I understand more about what it’s capable of, and so much of that is invisible to me. Hormones play a much larger role in the Sadness - and in my general reactions - than I ever gave them credit for. Something that upsets me during a hormonal time can send me over the edge while in a non-hormonal time, that same thing might roll off my back.
- Nights of sleep often help.
The more nights of sleep that happen, the better I feel. While I may go to bed feeling hopeless, the Sadness loosens its grip after a night of sleep. Sometimes the Sadness, wanting to keep its tight grip, will keep playing those negative images in my brain so I can’t sleep, but (given the craziness of our home) sleep comes soon.
- Meditation is key.
I am terrible at making time to meditate, but when those negative images keep scrolling across my mind before sleep time, the one thing that helps me reset and sleep is to blank my mind. If a negative thought comes in, I erase it from my brain as if my brain is a chalkboard. I try to focus on that blank chalkboard to prevent other thoughts from coming in and that blankness allows me to relax and sleep.
- Distractions help.
When I can’t blank my mind because I’m busy with life, negative thoughts squeeze into the spaces between activities. As I feel them creeping in, I’ll take the time to pick up a book, a magazine or turn on a television show I want to catch up on. Being social during the Sadness is hard for me, but I do find that being distracted by conflicts of other people (especially fake ones) helps me to avoid the negativity in my brain. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I think the negative thoughts are just self-awareness and self-criticism to help one improve, but in the Sadness, the negative thoughts are a barrage of past or present mistakes that are not helpful, but just meant to terrorize.
- Forgive yourself.
When I’m in the sadness, I also take the time to forgive myself. When I’m capable of being fully present with my past mistakes I sometimes take the time to pause and tell myself that it’s ok that that particular thing happened and nothing can be done to change it now. All I can do is make better choices is in the future. Through this, I have been able to block out some of the old, old mistakes from coming back, but I have to actively forgive myself for not knowing better and remind myself that I can do things differently if a similar situation arises. I also find that by practicing forgiveness with myself, I become much better at forgiving others. It’s a skill, like any other, that needs to be practiced until it is mastered.
I actually don’t think I have ever spoken to anyone about the Great Sadness. I mentioned it to my husband for the first time just a few days ago. He didn’t know that I had been experiencing this on a semi-regular basis. I’m not sure if I don’t talk about it because it’s a taboo subject or just because it’s a downer. It could also be that I tend to avoid others when I’m in the Sadness and when it’s over, I don’t want anything more to do with it. Either way, if you are feeling the Sadness, you are not alone!
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