I had the experience of chaperoning my daughter’s second grade field trip a few weeks ago. From the kid side, it was everything you’d expect it to be: a little chaotic, very energetic and lots of boundaries being pushed. One thing that I hadn’t really expected was the adult dynamics.
I’m a working mom. I teach full time, which means that during most of the time that my kids are at school, I’m at school too. So, volunteering in the classroom and going on field trips is a pretty unlikely thing. On the rare occasion that I’ve done drop off or pick up there are other parents there. Most of them are moms and some are dads. Most people keep to themselves or they chat with their friend. If a new person walks up, they may acknowledge them, but they probably don’t. All of this is complicated by the fact that my kids are in a Two Way Bilingual Immersion (TWBI) program, which means that half of the families in the class speak Spanish as their first language (and may not speak English).
Such was the case on this field trip. We were a tad bit late, so the class was already assembled in the classroom. A few parents were lingering about. Teacher was explaining to a few parents what to do. As the late person, I tried to assimilate and pick up any info that I could.
As more parents trickled in, I noticed that no one really introduced each other even when they obviously didn’t know each other. And those who did know each other gravitated toward each other.
Since we had different arrival times and the kids were in the background excitedly anticipating our departure, there wasn’t really an opportunity to initiate a meet and greet that would distract students and add to the din.
And I was tired. As we all are. I had no coffee because I was outside of my normal routine and I felt a bit like a freshly pressed zombie.
So for those first twenty minutes, I just tried to stay out of the way. And I watched. It felt like my moment to fit in or meet people had passed. And I was grumpy, so I was ready to put on my “screw everyone” attitude.
And then I remembered that my goal this year is to live. I don’t want to sit in the sidelines and watch things unfold as a spectator. I want to get out there and be a part of the action.
As hard as it was, I softened my face and tried to ease the scowl away. I opened up my mind and relaxed my shoulders. Once we got moving, I approached a mom and introduced myself. Then once we got on the bus, I introduced myself to someone else.
Now, small talk is NOT my forte, but I did my best. And that’s what living is. It’s doing your best, learning from it and moving on. It may have been a total failure or they may have found me annoying or they may have hated me from the start, but that part isn’t my business. What is my business is how I choose to act in my life. If I don’t want to be a bystander in my life, I have to take awkward risks. And then I have to release it. I can’t go back and analyze every little comment and gesture. Whatever happened in that moment was just a moment and it was a learning moment.
Looking back now, I wish I had been riskier. I wish I had approached each parent, even those who didn’t speak English and at least introduced myself. These things are awkward and always will be, but I have to trust that I belong there too and that I have something to offer.
When you look at your life, are you bystanding or are you playing the game? I know there are moments when bystanding is the best you can do, but if you find yourself repeatedly doing so and being a passive participant, you might be missing out on the fun - or better yet, the awkwardness of living. Maybe it's time to open your circle to include someone new.
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