Truth: Getting up early is a gift

Truth: Getting up early is a gift.

Good morning, friends.   It’s 8:20 am as I’m writing this.  I’ve been up for three hours. All three kids are still asleep and my home is blissfully quiet except for the collar shaking of our dogs outside and the hiss of the gas stove heating up my water for tea.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  I made the error of taking a late nap, so when I couldn’t sleep, I read my book.  That was my second mistake. Books never put me to sleep, they always keep me up. I was up until 1:45 am reading because the story was getting good. 

When 5 am rolled around and it was time to get up, I was a little groggy, but I got up anyway.  I did my routine: yoga, meditation, workout, shower and now, writing. And I realized, getting up early is actually a gift.  

There are an endless number of people who have remarked about my getting up early that they could never do that or how amazing I am that I do it.  But what they may not realize is that getting up early is a gift. It’s a gift to me, it’s a gift to my kids and it’s a gift to anyone I encounter for the rest of the day.  

I am an introvert.  Having quiet time in my home is a delight to me, but it SO RARELY happens.  Waking up early to do the things that fuel me for the day in the silence of my sleeping home is a gift that I give myself. I give myself the gift of peace and calm in my yoga and meditation.  I give myself the gift of movement and progress toward my goals with my workout. I give myself the gift of less anxiety and more centeredness in my day by taking care of myself first before giving myself away to my kids and their needs.  

And really, getting up early is a gift to my children.  Because I get the peace that I crave, I can show up and really be with them when they do wake up.  I don’t need to rush them along or find a distraction while I finish up whatever I didn’t do. I can prepare us for the day ahead.  Most importantly though, getting up early helps me to be intentional with my day. My goal with my children is to be a patient and loving mother.  In order to make that intention come to life, I need to get my things out of the way first. I need to use my yoga to make distance between me and my emotions so that I’m not constantly reacting to either my kids or my own feelings.  I need to use my workout to bring energy and life to my body and mind. I need my writing time to declutter my mind of ideas.  

Getting up early is also a gift to everyone I encounter that day.  When I work out I challenge myself. That challenge that I bring (and conquer) helps me to go forward into my day with confidence.  It brings me a positive mindset. It helps me to be peaceful with others both in my interactions with them and in the thoughts that I’m having about that interaction.  It helps me to not be as angry and to be more loving: both of which are my goals for how I show up in the world.  

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Getting up early is one of those things that people shrug off as one more thing to do that is not what they want.  It’s hard and they don’t want to do it. And that’s true for me too. But for me, my intentions about who I want to be in the world are more important than not wanting to get out of bed at 5 am on three and a half hours of sleep.  My desire to be a patient and loving person who is joyful starts with me doing hard things, like getting up a little bit earlier.  

My Mother's Day Wishlist

If you're looking for some deep throughs about my wishes for the world or my family, this isn't the post for you. I just know what I want and I like to ask for it and you might be curious about what that is and so here it goes...

Every year on Mother’s Day, I refine what my hopes and dreams are for the day.  My husband loves to give the perfect gift, so I try to accommodate that by letting Jeff know ahead of time what I want.  For some of you, that may sound selfish or demanding or un-spontaneous, but I’d rather ask for what I want than hope for it, not get it and then unconsciously punish Jeff for it. Here’s what i’ve learned over the years about what I want:

1. I need time to be around my family without having to respond to every request.  I want to sit and watch the kids play or watch a show with them without having to stop and get water or get a snack or wipe a bottom. Sometimes Jeff does that single-handedly and sometimes we are with a group of people who help distract the kids so that they don’t think they’re constantly hungry or thirsty or bored.
2. Gifts.  I don’t need gifts.  But I do love the things the kids make.  I love that way more than anything that they could buy for me (to be honest, the things they want to buy are more their style than mine). What I DO love is gifts of service on this day: going to Costco without me, getting my car washed for me, making meals (preferably all day) for me/us.  
3. Speaking of food… I LOVE baked goods.  My deepest desire on any celebration day is to have cake, or pancakes, or muffins, or scones.  I sent Jeff a recipe this year for these delightful looking banana maple donuts (minus the walnuts, of course) and these white chocolate scones.  And since I don’t like being in charge of food on Mother’s Day, Jeff is making dinner.  Mostly, I’m leaving dinner up to him. I don’t actually care what it is as long as I don’t have to decide or cook it.  I did give some pointers on food we have that he could use or cook, but that’s it!
4. I want time alone in my house.  I spend SO much time catering to other people’s desires at work at home, with family and with friends that I want time to decide on something that I want, not something that I think someone else might want too. Being alone at home is a moment of exhale for this introvert and while I love my family and I know there will be many moments of silence when our nest is empty, I do really crave moments of silence in the chaos right now.  And then I want to welcome back the chaos a more replenished person.

Mother’s Day used to be a day of drinking for me.  At that time, it served a purpose. It really got me out of the responsibility of doing lots of things for my kids and gave me the time to sit and relax.  However, it also really took away my awareness at the beauty of the day and left me feeling horrible that night and the next day. It no longer serves me and so it’s no longer part of my celebration.  I totally get that it works for others and that is wonderful, but I realized that my real goal in drinking was to get out of some of the responsibilities that I do from day to day, so now I just ask for those things to be done for me.

I’m lucky to have a husband who really cares about making the weekend a joy to me.  He is attentive and curious about what I want. I’m also lucky that the kids are aware of Mother’s Day and they seem to truly want to make it special for me - including secrecy and “special projects.”

How to hate yourself in ten quick Girl Scout Cookies

I struggle with compulsive eating.  I always have. I can’t just have a piece of cake, it could easily turn into a quarter of the cake!  I can’t just have a handful of chips, it’s the whole bag. Not one piece of pizza, but four instead. And that doesn’t even take into account the times that I’m emotional eating.  It’s been a real struggle to figure out how to control myself, because it’s not like I’m compulsively eating cucumbers. It’s just that junky, processed food that is so readily available.  

Over the last few years, I’ve developed much better habits.  I am not starving myself by any means, but I’m not as compulsive.  There’s more awareness over why I’m eating and if I’m really hungry, then I can eat a vegetable - it doesn’t have to be cake.  

The holidays put me back into some bad habits as far as emotional eating and allowing myself access to foods I’d typically not have in the house.  Having our change in diet means that I’m regularly preparing treats for my kids and - as a result - eating them.

So, I decided that it was about time that I got back on track.

After a day of generally avoiding the things I meant to avoid.  I was so proud of myself for not giving in! (There are always opportunities for giving in at work.) But then there was an after school meeting where they feed you.  And they were feeding us pizza and Girl Scout cookies.

The pizza I could resist because I knew that I’d get a headache from the wheat, but the Girl Scout cookies shined like a beacon during that entire meeting.  

Finally, at the end I caved - and when I cave, it’s not in moderation.  It was 10 cookies of delight. And then the headache. And then I heard myself berating myself for being weak.  

“You should have left them alone.”

“Ugh, now you have a headache.”

“You told yourself you wouldn’t do that.”

“You could have stopped with one.”

I would never speak to someone else that way, but I find it perfectly acceptable, normal even, to do that to myself.  Over any small thing. Any error that I make, any mis-step, any flaws in my approach to trying something new results in this personal berating.  It’s only recently that I’ve acknowledged it, but it’s been happening all of my life.

At times, it’s easier to engage a kinder and gentler coach-type self-talk that reassures me that people are not perfect, that I can always start again in that moment.  But it’s generally a hard thing to practice all of the time.

And the thing is, whatever your goal is, being mean to yourself on the way to that goal is not what keeps you in it.  That mean part of you that emerges when it happens, that’s just avoidance (a goal-evading tactic) rearing its deceptive head.  

You’re mean to yourself after failure, then you avoid the you that’s being mean to yourself because no one wants to be around a mean person - even it’s you. And in order to avoid that mean person, you basically have to avoid the goal that you were working toward in the first place.  So, now you have successfully avoided the mean person and also your personal progress. Really, in these situations, being compassionate with yourself and speaking kindly, as you would to a friend, is what pushes you forward.

When you’re kind to yourself, you don’t create an antagonistic relationship with yourself and that gentleness allows you to take part in the natural process of growth - making mistakes and learning from them - and then move forward to keep growing through those mistakes. Instead of hating yourself, you can love that you are taking on something that causes mistakes, which means you are doing something new and outside of your comfort zone which requires both risk and growth! Yay, you!

But it’s SO hard.

So maybe those ten cookies weren’t a mistake after all.  They were just part of the path that I can look back on and say, “Remember when I ate those ten cookies and couldn’t control myself? I’ve come so far since then.”

And it’s not always cookies.  Sometimes the path that you’re on is about exercising everyday - but you miss a day, or a week or a month.  Perhaps you are trying to drink more water each day. Maybe it’s spending less money when you’re bored at home or watching less TV or reading more - and you just fall into old habits for a minute.  No matter how long that minute turns out to be, you can always jump back onto the progress toward your goal. Just because it didn’t work out for that period of time, that doesn’t mean that dream or that goal has to go away.  Failure and moments of having less discipline are normal! Especially when your goal is a long-term one. But don’t think about that long-term part (that can be scary and defeating too), just focus on right now and the thing you need to do right now to get you back on track and refocused.

And maybe try a different approach.  At these meetings, I’ve never moved the cookies to the other side of the table because I always thought I could control myself - maybe it’s time to try moving the cookies.  Or in that moment when I feel the impulse to open the cookies, get up and get water or take a breath or tell my neighbor to not let me open the cookies.

We do what we think is the right way to do something, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way.  Making that long-term goal happen means that you’ll need to try ways you haven’t tried before - because if those ways you tried had worked in the past, you would already be at that goal.  

So, now it’s a new moment and I’m ready.  It’s time to try new ways and get that positive voice going in my mind.  Girl Scout cookies (or Peeps, or Cadbury Eggs or Easter candy in general), I’m ready to resist you.