Honestly, even if you don't have kids, it's such a beautiful visual experience and has a sweet story about family traditions and knowing yourself. And it reminds me of beautiful tropical places, so it's just the right thing for leading into summer!So, sometimes after the kids get out of the car, I'm still listening to the kids' music. This morning, it was the Moana soundtrack.
There is a song where Moana faces one of the antagonists in the story and she, for the first time, sees who the antagonist (Te Ka) really is. Here's what she says:
I have crossed the horizon to find you,
I know your name
They have stolen the heart from inside you,
but this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are.
With Mother's Day fast approaching, I couldn't help seeing that in some ways, Te Ka is just like a mother - or at least just like me as a mother. Te Ka is explosive and angry and is protective of her space. She feels wronged and pushes people away.
As it turns out, her heart has been stolen. This crime has led her to become a violent monster.
Moana recognizes Te Ka and who she really is. She sees past all of the anger and sees that she is a wronged being.
And then she sings her song.
In some ways, our children are born and they steal parts of our hearts. In some ways, it's that lovely, "Oh, you've stolen my heart and I love you so much," and in other ways, it feels like they've ripped part of us out.
They start by stealing our bodies and changing them in some unexpected ways, then they proceed to steal our free time, our sleep, and our priorities. As a result, we love them fiercely, but there may be a tiny bud of resentment that blooms as you see your non-parent friends doing things you used to do: going out to dinner, sleeping all night long, having wide open weekends; all while you stay home and combat your little tyrant(s).
Now, I'm not trying to make our children the villains. They are the main part of my best memories. By just being themselves, they change everything. They can smile or hug or cuddle or say something silly and change the entire mood of a home. However, raising kids is not easy. Yes, it is full of love and joyful moments, but they are at some cost to us as parents.
At some point, we have to return our hearts to ourselves. That begins with recognizing that part of you that was once there has been lost. Sure, it has grown in differently to compensate, but it's just not the same. Second, you have to decide that you want some part of that returned to you and then you have to figure out how to get it back.
Once we see that we deserve to have some of our hearts back, I think that's when we decide to take care of ourselves. And we realize, as Te Ka experiences, that when those parts are restored, we have more to give: more love, more comfort, more kindness.
I think my most "heartless" times are behind me. My eyes are open now. I've steadily been making myself a priority and as a result, what I can return to my children is much more valuable and of much more quality. It's less anger and more attention. It's less explosion and more patience.
The things that have restored my heart are not things that sound appealing, but once I started, I could see and feel the difference. My heart-restoring activities mean that I get up earlier to work out. I sacrifice some of my weekend time to do food prep of healthy foods. I take the time to meditate or do yoga. I drink water. I connect with people that matter to me. These all seem like basic things and they are not all fun, but they help restore me physically and emotionally. While they sometimes seem like a chore at the time, they become fuel for feeling whole.
While the stealing of your heart is beautiful, the getting it back is also beautiful.
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