Smiles That Vanish

I work out in my living room in the morning.  I try to get up early enough to get my workout done before the kids get up. Their rising often means getting milk, dealing with crying and setting up the iPad while I try to complete my workout.  It can be very frustrating, but it also brings some of the best moments of being a mom.

Everyday life is so full of demands.  There are things that need to get done because humans need food and water, there are places to go, there are potties that need to be pottied in, and there are workouts that must be completed.  Often these things result in high-stress moments of yelling, rushing people along and just general frustration for everyone.

Although the morning time includes me trying to get that quick workout in, it is just less rushed.  Often only one small child is up and not all three asking for various things.  As a result, there are bits of time that are just radiant.

Today, I was in my final exercise and a sleepy-eyed Levi had just stumbled into the living room. Jeff had just set him up with the intro to “The Secret Life of Pets” and Levi was waiting for the action to happen.

I turned my head to look at him and the movement caught his attention.

His eyes locked with mine and a giant grin spread across his face.  Of course, I smiled back at him and then he turned his attention back to the screen.  

That sweet boyish happiness is so bright, but also is so fleeting.  Just like that smile faded as he turned his attention to the movie, smiling in general will fade.  There will be many times in the future when we will lock eyes and he won’t smile. Or maybe just his eyes will smile, but he won’t always share that same open outward sign of happiness and connection of that broad ear-to-ear grin.

I think that’s just part of growing up.  We have all of these things buzzing around in our head keeping that smile from reaching our lips, or we have emotions holding down the corners of our mouths and that smile just won’t come as easily.  

It’s just another one of those reminders that although the seconds sometimes seem long, the time passes quickly.  Although the temper tantrums and crying may feel endless, it is, in fact, ending and before I know it, he will be a teenager burdened with the load of socializing, athletics and academics.  

How much of my own time is spent with ideas running through my head?  What is keeping that smile from my own lips?

This isn’t a reminder to “cherish the moments” or “enjoy them while you can” but it may be worth thinking about that we still have our four year old selves inside there.  They are hidden by the stress of our daily lives and all the things that need doing and all the things that need thinking about, but it may be worth the time (to you or someone else) to clear those things away for a moment (or maybe two moments) and let that sunshine come through the clouds for your sake - or for your son’s sake - or for your spouse’s sake.