Reflections upon losing a loved one

Recently, my last grandparent passed away.  In addition to the sadness that accompanies such an event, it causes reflection as well.

One thing that I began to think about is the impact that a person can have and the impact that my grandma had on me.  

When I think about my grandma, I remember that she was the one person that I always felt loved me.  It wasn’t that my parents or other grandparents didn’t love me, but I always felt that she really loved me.  

My parents were busy providing us with a home, raising three kids and feeding us along with all of the things that currently keep me busy on a daily basis in my own life at this time.  I know my parents loved (and love) me.  The thing that made my grandma different is that she had more free time and more time to just sit and be with me.  she had soda and cookies and cakes and that was great too, but she also had time to sit and watch tv or paint nails or play with dressup and makeup.  She took us with her on errands.  She was affectionate and hugged us and let us sit right next to her or on her lap.  She rarely yelled or was frustrated with us. She was always happy to see us.

When I think about my daily life now and how my children will view me as they grow, I know that I will have shortcomings in their eyes no matter what I do, but I also wonder what I can do differently now to make a difference to them.  

As parents, we know that everything we do is for our kids: we go to work, we choose safe caregivers for them, we work overtime, we choose healthy foods to prepare for them, but those things may not be the things that they most value.  So what’s a parent to do?

I think we have to just keep doing the best we can.  I think we have to make clear why we make the choices we do as a family. For example, when we choose to not buy more toys, it’s actually so that we can live more simply (so that we can help others in our community and live responsibly), not because we don’t want our kids to be happy.  Or when we choose to not enroll in another activity, it’s so that we can have restful time together, not because we think our daughter is NOT the world’s next soccer superstar.  Basically, we need to communicate our reasoning to our children, not leave them guessing about why we make the decisions we do for our family.  

I think I also need to be aware of the different ways people receive love and think about what that might look like for my kids.  Just because I love words and affection, doesn’t mean that they do too.  Most of figuring that out will be trial and error.  

But the thing is, I’ve got to try.

Today, in the name of my Grandma, I’m recommitting to being present with my kids, simplifying our home and making sure that the moments we have really do count.