The Encouragement I Never Listen To: My Own

The other day, I was sharing some of the trials and tribulations our family has been experiencing.  The recipient of these stories told me that she read my blog and she said, “It’s just like you say in your blog, ‘You are not alone’.”  

First off, I was shocked that she read my blog - I never can tell who does read it and I am always in disbelief when those I love and respect are also readers! Second, I could not believe she was quoting my own blog back to me! Third, I realized that there are so many things I believe in for people, but I don’t believe them for myself.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that although I have had these revelations, it’s difficult for me to make them a part of my core belief system when it comes to me and my own life.  But I REALLY want others to believe it for themselves.

Here are the things I want for all people to believe that I also struggle with:

1. You are not alone.  

There are so many times when it feels that you are alone or that life is tough or that your life is tougher than others, but really you are not the only one experiencing whatever you are going through. Other people are likely going through it too but are quiet about it.  Talking about it won’t relieve the toughness of it all, but it sometimes helps you to know that you’re not the only one struggling with it.

2. You are worth loving as you are.

I come back to this one ALL the time.  When I’m struggling, I automatically turn to my imperfections and weaknesses.  I think about all that I am not capable of and all of the people who are different and better than me.  I fail to see the parts of me that are beautiful and loveable.  But the thing is, no one I know is perfect and all of those people are worth loving.  Some days the loving is more difficult, but when the love is there, it’s there - no matter how difficult one might be on any particular day.

3. Everyone is different and you bring unique strengths to the proverbial table.

I struggle with comparison.  It’s so easy for me to see the strengths in others and how those strengths play together to create amazing things.  What I often fail to see are my own natural strengths and how they fit in with others around me.  When you take a moment to compliment someone’s strengths, you may be reminding them of what they have forgotten.

4. Don’t let that person’s actions get you down.

I crave to be liked.  It has always been true about me.  Any time something someone says or does seems to reflect that I’m not liked by that person, it gets me down - really down. That one interaction could bother me through the night.  How could I have been different or better? What did I do wrong?  But the thing is, it’s not always about me.  Sometimes it’s about that person and where they were at when they encountered me.  (Although sometimes it really IS me!)

5. You are doing a good job.

When someone tells me this, I immediately discount it.  What does that even mean?  What does a “good job” mean to them? Are my standards different from theirs? I often believe that others are doing great at their particular strength, but I struggle to accept that for myself.

In every situation where I don’t listen to my own words, something happens.  It starts with a small act of kindness from someone else, or maybe a small success that is meaningful for me.  As those things continue to pile up, I start to remember my words.    Sometimes I even have to say them out loud to myself: you are not alone, you are worth loving, you have unique strengths, don’t let them get you down, you are doing a good job.  As it turns out, these ideas are not a final destination.  They are not a state of being. They are just mile markers along the road; mile markers that need to be re-encountered many times before it really sinks in.